Who Gets the Dog?
by Miracle of Miracles
Summary: Beast Boy's wishes for a playmate gets the other Titans involuntarily signed up for that annoying game show on Animal Planet. Will this end happily for all the five roommates? I suppose there's a Robin and Raven friendship.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is based on that crappy game show on Animal Planet (which, since I have to point this out anyway, I do not own). Don't own Teen Titans, either—if I did it wouldn't be half as good.  
When you are reviewing, by all means, critique me! If you have something to say about it, then say it. I'll pay attention.  
Well, except pairing requests. This story will have practically nothing to do with pairings.

**Who Gets the Dog?**

Beast Boy was proud of himself. He had some great news for the rest of the team; thus, in order to get everyone together, the only practical thing to do was to sound the emergency alarm.

His colleagues came crashing into the lobby instinctively, expecting the call to announce some kind of trouble. But when the first thing Robin saw was Beast Boy awaiting them with a smug grin on his face he glowered at the changeling. "We've been over this, Beast Boy," he growled. "The emergency alarm is solely for emergency purposes."

Beast Boy pretended that he didn't hear them and went into a dramatic explanation as to why he had alerted his friends. "My fellow Titans!" he began. "Two weeks from this very day, I had come across a show on TV that caught my eye instantly."

"In that case, please spare us the details," Raven interrupted.

"IT WAS ABOUT three families who competed for the ownership of a cute, loveable dog!" Beast Boy continued loudly, yet not dropping his dramatic airs. While saying this, he held out a TV guide opened to a page with an ad for the said show; it displayed a picture of a family circling a small white dog with excruciatingly happy expressions on their faces. "So, after about two good minutes of consideration, I applied all of US to compete for our own loyal companion!"

"You WHAT!" Robin yelped. "Beast Boy, in case you haven't gotten the memo, there are no pets allowed in the Tower!"

"Yeah," Beast Boy replied irritably, "but you let Starfire keep her maggot."

"Silkie is a very special pet Earth organism!" Starfire retaliated. "I have raised him since his young maggothood!"

"And you've been using that excuse every single time you've dragged another pet in," Cyborg added. "Remember that family of ducks? And that kidnapped jaguar?"

"And remember about two months ago when you adopted a child?" Raven added.

"This is different!" Beast Boy insisted. "This time I'm warning you ahead of time! Anyway, this morning we got a callback, and—"

"Oh, don't tell me…" Robin groaned.

"—we're in! We're going to compete for a puppy!"

Robin was steaming. "You hardly warned us if you already got a callback! Why didn't you at least consult us?"

"Because I knew that you would say no," Beast Boy answered carelessly. "I really want a new pet. Besides…I need a playmate." He transformed into a little green puppy and whined pathetically.

The other four Titans stared down at him. "Well…look on the bright side," Cyborg said cautiously. At least with a dog BB will have something to keep him busy…"

"And if I have the permission to keep Silkie then it would only be far to allow him a companion of his own," Starfire contributed.

"And…" Raven paused while the others looked at her expectantly. "…as much as I hate to admit it, two minutes is the longest time that he's taken to think about anything." She, Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy turned to Robin.

Seeing that he was vastly outnumbered, the Boy Wonder groaned in defeat. "All right," he muttered. "If we get the dog we can keep it."

Beast Boy morphed back into his human form. "That's the spirit!" he cheered, clapping Robin's back. The latter Titan ground his teeth together in silent agony.

Raven suddenly realized her error in her contributed defense for Beast Boy's stance. "Even if we get to keep it," she said, "I don't have to play with it…or touch it…or have anything to do with it."

"Aw, but you're gonna love him, Ray!" Beast Boy insisted. "The producers of the show say that he's downright loveable."

"Maybe by their standards." Raven levitated herself and exited through the sliding doors.

"When do we meet the dog?" Cyborg asked quickly at the disappointed look on the changeling's face.

"In two days," Beast Boy answered. "The host of the show is going to bring him over in the afternoon. She didn't tell me what kind of dog it is, though."

"Man, I hope it's a Great Dane!" Cyborg said excitedly. "Those dogs are the symbol for power! And they have really cute faces, too," he added to himself.

"I wonder if he'll like my tofu burgers?"

"No way, BB. Dogs eat _real _meat."

"You never know, Cyborg! You never know."

**XXXXX**

End of chapter one.

CHAPTER TWO: The Titans meet the potential new addition to their residence—but what kind of crazy tasks will the host have them do? And will everybody take kindly to the dog's overnight stay?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: For those of you who don't know how the game works, here's a quick explanation:  
Three families/groups of roommates compete for one dog (even though there are lots of other dogs in the animal shelters but I suppose they think this is more "fun").  
The host assigns them (the families) two or three tasks that actually prove nothing in the evaluation of how well they would take care of the dog.  
Three self-proclaimed animal experts watch videotapes of the tasks and the puppy's overnight stays and decide would family would be best suitable.

Excuse me for not using the real host's name…I'm making this a somewhat different, even more annoying person, if that is ever possible.

**Who Gets the Dog?**

The next day went by much too quickly in Robin's opinion. Beast Boy and Starfire spent the day preparing the home for the puppy. They got out some old dishes for the dog's food and put them on the kitchen floor; then they proceeded to "puppy-proof" the Tower, blocking the entrances of the rooms that they didn't want the puppy to get into and keeping any chewable objects out of reach. Cyborg prepared some meals of mixed meats from the refrigerator, and Robin and Raven half-heartedly assisted their friends in some of the preparation.

On the day of the dog's arrival Raven was the first one to wake up in the morning. Knowing that the dog would be brought to the Tower at about ten, she reluctantly sat on the floor by the entrance with the Book of Azar, wishing that one of the other Titans was there so that she wouldn't have to be the first one to greet the TV cameras.

Silently she read, now and then looking up at the clock to observe its hands rotating ever so slowly towards their ten o'clock positions. Soon the time came, and she tensely awaited the doorbell's ring…

_Ding._

Raven got up and opened the door. A blond woman clad in a shocking pink shirt and light blue jeans stood before her, accompanied by two cameramen and clinging to the lead of a puppy that instantly darted to Raven's boots and gave them a thorough sniffing.

"Hello! Hello! This is BARKLEY!" The woman was screeching away in an obvious "dog voice", and Raven could tell that most of these greetings weren't directed at her. The hooded telepath looked down at the dog, "Barkley", with distaste; he was very small, barely coming up to her calf, and a bit scrawny as well. His coat was somewhere between wiry and fluffy. In most places it was an off-white color, except for a copper patch on his back, and the fur sprouted up in small tufts, thickly around his feet and legs. His slender, whip-like tail lashed around in circles behind him as he sniffed Raven's right boot, trying to get her scent. Raven stepped back a bit, her face remaining expressionless. Barkley saw this and settled down, lowering himself onto his haunches, as if he could possibly make a better impression if he looked a bit more like her.

"We're very excited to see you!" the woman exclaimed. "You must be Raven!"

"I was the last time I checked," Raven drawled. She found the emergency alarm on the wall and activated it.

Not too long after that the other Titans came sprinting to her aid. "Titans, tro—" Robin cut himself off when he saw the cameramen eagerly recording the team's mad rush. "Uh, we woke up late…the dog's here…" His face now slightly flushed, he gave Raven a look, and she shrugged it off before retiring to the couch in the lobby.

**XXXXX**

Beast Boy, Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin escorted the host, dog, and cameramen to the lobby, where Raven was waiting. She sighed as she closed the Book of Azar, figuring that she wasn't going to get any time alone this morning anyway.

The Titans gathered around the couch as the cameramen set up a few feet away. Despite the fact that they had expecting a dog that was slightly bigger, Beast Boy and Cyborg went crazy over Barkley, and were clearly eager to begin the tasks. Robin and Starfire held back a little bit, Starfire seeming a bit nervous and Robin eyeing the cameras with regret. As soon as the blonde woman sat on the couch and brought Barkley up with her, Raven excused herself and stood next to Robin.

"This is Barkley," the host said. "He's a six month old Poodle crossed with a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel."

"What a mutt," Raven muttered aside to Robin. The Boy Wonder swiftly poked her in the shoulder, but she could see that he was smiling a bit.

"Your first task," the host began, "is called 'Shake'. You need to teach Barkley how to shake hands on command."

"Um, excuse my interruption," Starfire said softly, "but please, how does teaching the Barkley a trick prove us worthy as pet owners?"

The woman turned and looked at her in shock. Then she glowered, and turned to the cameramen. "Turn off the cameras," she hissed, and they did as told. "You see, Starfire, being able to teach Barkley a trick represents…uh…your ability to…er, TRAIN the dog! Yeah."

"But what purpose does teaching the dog to initiate a manual salutation serve?"

"Oh, uh, more purposes than you think," the host answered hastily. "Now, let's get on with the task. I'll leave you all alone with Barkley so you can have plenty of space to train. Good luck!" She cheerfully walked to the sliding doors, but not before warning the cameramen, "_Don't miss a thing!"_

There was a long pause as the Titans stared at Barkley, wondering how to start. Finally, Beast Boy hopped onto the couch next to the mutt. "All right, Barkley," he said, bending down to the dog's level. "If we're going to keep you, we need to be able to teach you a new trick. How about it?" He extended a gloved hand. "Shake, Barkley!"

Barkley cocked his head to one side whimpered.

"You have to _show _him, BB," Cyborg corrected. He sat on the other side of Barkley, making the dog face him. Then he took hold of Barkley's left front paw in his hand and said, "Shake, Barkley! Good boy."

Beast Boy brought the dog's attention back to himself and spent about a full minute trying to persuade Barkley to shake hands. "Come on guys," he said irritably to the others. "We need full group participation!"

Robin and Starfire joined the half-robot and the changeling, uneasily holding the dog's paws and trying to teach him the trick. They had only just started when the host returned. "How's it going?" she asked, not dropping her painfully cheerful tone of voice.

"Can't see much success from where I'm standing," Raven muttered in reply.

The cheerful woman seemed a bit disappointed at Raven's lack of enthusiasm, but quickly dismissed it as she made her announcement. "Well, I'm sorry guys, but we need to move on to the next task! The next task is called 'Obstacle Course'…"

**XXXXX**

For the next half hour the Titans spent their time outside running through the course of tunnels, hoops and A-frames that the sadistic host had brought with Barkley, who, this time, was fortunately content with the idea of a running game. Now Beast Boy was bent over with his hands on his knees, panting, after trying to keep up with the energetic puppy for more than half the time.

"Good job, Titans!" the host complimented as the five of them as they trekked back to the Tower. "Before I leave you guys to your sleepover, I need to give you this Iams overnight puppy kit…"

"You never said anything about it staying overnight," Raven hissed to Beast Boy through her teeth. The green teenager sweatdropped and discreetly slipped away from her.

For the next few hours Beast Boy (in his puppy form) and Barkley raced around the Tower in a game of puppy tag. Cyborg and Starfire would occasionally join in, and it would tend to end up with Beast Boy being run into the corner and taunted. Robin took refuge in the chair in front of the computer so as not to get run over, and Raven bounced back and forth from her room to a quiet corner in the lobby.

Beast Boy started filming the goings-on in the evening with a camcorder after he had set out Barkley's dinner in the kitchen. He returned to the lobby to see Raven in her corner. Beast Boy approached her. "Hey, Raven! How do _you _like our new roommate?"

"Beast Boy, stop filming me."

"I have to. We're sending in a tape, remember?"

"And I'm going to meditate. I'm sure that's boring enough to be left out of your little documentary."

Defeated, Beast Boy returned to the kitchen. The sight that greeted him was little Barkley, slumped over his food dish and snoring. "Aw, are you tired?" He scooped up the mutt and realized that they had neglected to get a dog bed. Beast Boy went back to the lobby to look for a place that could be a potential sleeping quarters, and saw Raven. She was levitating a few feet above the floor in her signature meditative pose, with the hood of her cloak hanging limply at her shoulders. Grinning to himself, Beast Boy had an idea.

**XXXXX**

End of chapter two.

CHAPTER THREE: What _was _Beast Boy thinking? Will the two birds of the Titans ever warm up to Barkley? And, most of all, will they win?


	3. Chapter 3

Much making fun of the show. Hope you enjoy.

**Who Gets the Dog?**

Raven was brought back to earth by a loud crash. Her eyes snapped open, just to see that another bird had flown straight into the window. She saw it slide down a few feet, before pushing off the glass with its talons and woozily taking off upwards and gaining height.

The entire competition so far was stressing Raven out, what with the lack of privacy, pointless tasks, and (most of all) dogs running rampant in the Tower. Feeling that a cup of tea was in order, she gently lowered her feet to the floor. While she walked past the couch she pulled her hood over her head.

She never would have suspected that it would come alive and start to violently kick her in the head.

_"AAAAAAUHH!" _

The telepath was surprised so badly she tripped herself up and fell over the back of the couch. Lying on her back, Raven swatted madly at her hood, brushing it back until it came off. A small paw plopped onto her nose as Barkley tumbled forth, lying comfortably between Raven's head and the arm of the couch. He scoffed at her, giving a throaty open-mouthed whine.

Raven scowled. "I don't like dogs," she hissed. "Do yourself a favor and get off of my head before I make you."

Barkley yawned. _Araaaa._ She could feel and smell his warm puppy breath. "I can assure you one thing, Barkley: we wouldn't be able to keep you if you were somehow disemboweled." The mutt responded by sticking his nose and tongue in her ear. "Augh!" Raven's face contorted in disgust as she quickly levitated the puppy in an orb of black energy and moved him to a spot on the carpet several feet away. Feeling that she shouldn't have to dignify that with a response, she hastily got up and swept into the kitchen

Raven poured water into the kettle and allowed it to heat up as she got out a teapot and box of chamomile petals. As she sifted the leaves into the filter she felt something tug at the hem of her cloak. She nudged the puppy away with her boot, feeling exasperated because it was following her.

"Can't sleep?"

Raven recognized the Boy Wonder's voice. She turned around to see him groggily walking into the kitchen, running fingers through his jet-black hair. "I'd try if I didn't have animal magnetism…" she replied, gesturing to the puppy at her feet. "…Literally."

A smile formed on Robin's lips as he came to stand next to her. "We find out who gets the dog in two days…"

"Until then we can hope like hell that the next family is much better than us."

"What I don't get is why that mentally unstable host made us do those tasks," Robin continued. "They prove nothing."

"They're worth nothing."

"They're pointless."

"Exactly."

_"Woooaaaauh!" _Barkley interrupted.

"What do you want?" Robin asked irritably, looking down at him. Barkley hopped up and latched onto the hem of Robin's cape, spinning around in pirouettes on his hind toes. Robin tried to walk away, but the dog held on fast and moved with him. Raven chuckled softly as she watched their antics.

"The rat has a thing for cloaks."

"No kidding," Robin muttered, finally bending down and unhooking Barkley's teeth from her cape. He picked up Barkley and walked back to Raven's side. Robin paused, before mumbling, "I guess he is kind of cute."

"Well, that's just you. He's a dog just like any other dog."

"You know, I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't get to keep him."

"Yeah, because of _us_." The two Titans shared a brief smile.

Just then the kettle whistled, and Raven took care of it by pouring its contents into the teapot. "Beast Boy will probably be upset with us. But it's all he deserves, after what he did."

"What did he do?"

"He got us into this mess in the first place and…ah…" Her face flushed a bit and she pulled the hem of her hood further over her face. "…He put Barkley in my hood while I was meditating."

She could hear Robin's light laugh in response. "It's not that funny!"

"I wish I could have seen your face."

"Quit it!"

"Did you put your hood on?"

Raven turned to face Robin and swatted his shoulder. "You just don't know when to shut up."

Robin held his hand up to shield himself from the telepath's blows. "Heh…I think Barkley forgives you, at least." He held out the puppy, which eagerly pedaled his feet and whimpered. "You know, you _can _pet him at least once. Just to say you have."

Raven eyed the wriggling puppy in Robin's gloved hands. His tail whipped about excitedly and his ears perked, as he expected to be petted. Robin's look simply encouraged her to gingerly extend an index finger and stroke the puppy's forehead. Barkley instantly lifted his nose and wetted the tip of her finger with his tongue, causing her to withdraw quickly. "There. I touched it."

"Heh, I guess that's good enough," Robin teased. He yawned. "I think that I'm going to go back to bed. Where should I put Barkley? Unless your hood has a vacancy…"

He received another swat on the shoulder. "Okay, okay, I'll stop…"

"Just put him on the couch or something. I'm sure he won't mind," Raven answered sarcastically.

"All right. Good night, Raven."

"Good night."

Raven watched as Robin exited the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of tea.

**XXXXX**

Two days later the Titans arrived at the Jump City Park to be greeted by the other two families in the competition, the host, the cameramen, and Barkley. They made sure that they stood a fair distance away from each other. One family was a young couple, man and woman, who clutched each other's hands as they waited anxiously for the winner's announcement. The other family consisted of an older couple, mother and father, with two young girls who saw the Titans and pointed excitedly.

"It's ROBIN!"

"I'm in love!"

Robin's face heated up considerably and he suddenly became intensely interested in a tree that stood off in the other direction. Starfire looked a bit annoyed, while Cyborg and Beast Boy barely concealed their snickers and Raven simply rolled her eyes.

"All right!" the host yelped cheerfully, drawing all attention to herself. "Today we found out the new owner of our little friend BARKLEY!"

The other competitors, Beast Boy, and Cyborg were immediately intent.

"Our three animal specialists worked REALLY REALLY HARD to find out who would be the perfect owner for BARKLEY!" the host continued. "Now, although all three of you families did a VERY good job looking after Barkley, but only one family can take him into their home permanently. So, after much consideration, the judges have picked…"

She suddenly paused. One of the cameramen whipped out a tape player, pressed the "play" button, and corny, intense music began to play. All of the contestants glanced around, exchanging bemused looks. This continued for a few seconds before the host waved a hand at the cameraman, who turned off the music.

"…the Jones family!"

The family of mother, father, and children erupted into cheers. The host let go of Barkley's leash and the puppy bounded up to the family, to be engulfed in hugs. The woman in the young couple rested her head on her husband's shoulder, sniffling. Cyborg and Starfire looked a bit disappointed. Beast Boy whimpered.

**XXXXX**

"DUDE!" Beast Boy shrieked, gesturing wildly at the TV screen. "That family's the same family from the TV Guide!"

"Man, I _knew _that the show is rigged!" Cyborg complained. They were watching the episode of "Who Gets the Dog?" that they were in on the large TV in the lobby. Starfire sat next to them on the couch, nodding in agreement to whatever they said. A few feet away Raven levitated a few feet above the ground, legs folded under her, as she politely watched the show with her teammates. Robin sat on the floor, leaning lazily against the arm of the couch.

One of the animal specialists was explaining why she thought the Teen Titans weren't suitable for Barkley. "They couldn't get him to shake!" she exclaimed. "Failure! FAILURE! And two of the Titans were COMPLETELY out of it! Look at the overnight tape!"

"Beast Boy, stop filming me…" "Beast Boy, I swear, my bo staff is in an arm's reach…" 

"It was like they didn't even WANT Barkley!" the specialist screeched.

"Dude! It was _you guys's _fault!" Beast Boy glared at Robin and Raven. Cyborg snickered a bit.

"Fine, I'll take full responsibility for us not getting the dog," Raven muttered irritably. "But that's what you get for not consulting us first."

"Oh yeah?" Beast Boy mumbled. "We'll just see about _that _next time…"

"NO!"


End file.
